The path to retribution has been glorified by many in the
past. Lot of these DC and Marvel superheroes started out
that way, didn’t they? A common man’s journey to being a superhero. But they
are right! To feel wronged for thaaat long, you need to be a superhero. To
tread the path of vengeance and continue feeling wronged for extended periods
of time needs an unending source of energy, an unquestionable belief in others’
wrongdoings, and unadulterated self-pity without feeling stupid about it.
Ordinary mortals like yours truly will feel bad maximum for a day or two and
even that is stretching it, and then quickly revere in something less tiring, like
say forgetfulness and lethargy. Which is not necessarily bad. Laziness and poor
cognitive abilities marring the process of retribution is a good thing. It
brings you a different kind of peace.
Every time I think about the reason why I would feel wronged
in the first place, the answer that crops up is the same. Self-absorption. This
need to be the cynosure of everyone’s eyes. That everyone should behave as if it’s
a real treat to have me around. Who the hell do I think I am, eh? Obviously very
few will give me that kind of importance and I am gonna feel let down
eventually. But see that’s the problem, I understand all this on the cerebral
level, but it doesn’t bloody penetrate deeper than that. The default doesn’t let
me settle for anything less but to be at the top of everyone’s priority (even
if they are not on mine). When someone jumps the queue ahead of me which
happens quite frequently, it pisses me off. I rave and rant, neurons firing away
to glory, and I come up with several solid impeccable parallel plans to avenge
the insult (most of these things by the way happen at night coz that’s when my
indolence allows me to wallow in all these luxuries). Usually by the time I am
done with planning, I am exhausted, so I tend to sleep over it. And feel
utterly useless about my plan the next day. One coz everything seems very trivial
and manageable the next morning, but also coz I realise it’ll take some serious
effort on my part if I want to continue feeling victimised. Better to call
bygones be bygones, eh? It may not sound like an ideal combo, this trio of
narcissism, bad memory and laze, but works every time.
Plus, in the end I like myself even more for my amazingly
forgiving nature!
