Retribution and Forgiveness :)

The path to retribution has been glorified by many in the past. Lot of these DC and Marvel superheroes started out that way, didn’t they? A common man’s journey to being a superhero. But they are right! To feel wronged for thaaat long, you need to be a superhero. To tread the path of vengeance and continue feeling wronged for extended periods of time needs an unending source of energy, an unquestionable belief in others’ wrongdoings, and unadulterated self-pity without feeling stupid about it. Ordinary mortals like yours truly will feel bad maximum for a day or two and even that is stretching it, and then quickly revere in something less tiring, like say forgetfulness and lethargy. Which is not necessarily bad. Laziness and poor cognitive abilities marring the process of retribution is a good thing. It brings you a different kind of peace.

Every time I think about the reason why I would feel wronged in the first place, the answer that crops up is the same. Self-absorption. This need to be the cynosure of everyone’s eyes. That everyone should behave as if it’s a real treat to have me around. Who the hell do I think I am, eh? Obviously very few will give me that kind of importance and I am gonna feel let down eventually. But see that’s the problem, I understand all this on the cerebral level, but it doesn’t bloody penetrate deeper than that. The default doesn’t let me settle for anything less but to be at the top of everyone’s priority (even if they are not on mine). When someone jumps the queue ahead of me which happens quite frequently, it pisses me off. I rave and rant, neurons firing away to glory, and I come up with several solid impeccable parallel plans to avenge the insult (most of these things by the way happen at night coz that’s when my indolence allows me to wallow in all these luxuries). Usually by the time I am done with planning, I am exhausted, so I tend to sleep over it. And feel utterly useless about my plan the next day. One coz everything seems very trivial and manageable the next morning, but also coz I realise it’ll take some serious effort on my part if I want to continue feeling victimised. Better to call bygones be bygones, eh? It may not sound like an ideal combo, this trio of narcissism, bad memory and laze, but works every time.

Plus, in the end I like myself even more for my amazingly forgiving nature!