For My Canine Buddies...

Guys, I miss you…I miss the playtime every evening. I miss your coat odour... miss your playful tugging at the toes...wagging tails when you spot me…the mothers’ careful watch when I hover nearby the pups, but never ever making it obvious…you treated me as one of you…I miss leaning against you and studying my botany…your ardent love, your trust in me, I miss your shining fur, I miss the unquestionable devotion in your eyes…the snarling nostrils and anger in your eyes when someone you don’t know tries to come too near, like the time when all you guys encircled the cobra and didn’t let it come near us…and then how we rushed 3 of you to the hospital…miss those Sundays when I would not allow servants to tie you down just so that you can accompany me wherever I go, I miss your constantly flickering tongue ready to lick, I miss those paws which have torn innumerable shirts, I miss teasing you from the terrace…your hatred towards monkeys and boars…your terror for heights…your love for water…miss those vainful and painful sessions where I tried to teach you tricks straight from the dog(gone) books…and teaching the first-time mothers how to take care of the pups without sitting on them… the papaya and mango feasts…and the vaccination ouch’s …those water sessions in the monsoons where it would be just impossible for you to trace me to my hiding place, and you putting your nose under water to find the way anyway (once, one of you tried to sniff under-water, choked and I gave myself away by laughing aloud)…and those long walks to the neighbour’s fields and ragging and mocking his dogs… …I have not forgotten anything babies…

I'm gonna come soon, very soon...And we're gonna have a blast...

There are quite a few people here who eat my patience thin. However, I have learnt no situation, no person is un-deal-able. Every tough nut has a thin skin somewhere, and every situation has a door for you to open. So, that's the starting point if it gets out of hand. I am not saying you gotta manipulate it, I'm saying you gotta understand it and learn to deal amiably with it/her/him. It's important for me to avoid conflict. And it's important to arrive at an amiable solution. At times, people take this trait as being a chicken, but so be it. Unless of course, someone starts treating me like one. If someone does that, I'll throw the principles of brotherhood out of the window, start with biting the person's head off and eating her/him then and there.

It's raining here...Absolute bliss.

The Sound of Music

One of the things that give me immense joy in life is music. Music fills all the gaps, cements the crevices and gives a smoother and filled appearance - and it’s fun to get misled every single time. It’s sheer fun coz when I’m listening to a good piece, I’m unaware of anything else, happy or sad, beautiful or ugly, fair or dark…all those things that catch my attention seem to carry no meaning at all. In that sense, when people say, music brings you nearer to god, I agree coz music helps me uplift myself over all these engaging follies. It becomes necessary to detach oneself from all the highs and lows of life here and treat them with objective scrutiny. Music helps me do that by concocting it’s own web and giving me a glimpse of some alternate reality, which is different from my routine life. But more importantly, it also teaches me to be attached to reality. It’s a delusional raft as well as a reality anchor.

Music has the power of enslaving; belittling all other aspects of my personality…I lose myself in it. That’s the magic of music. These moments, they are rare. In these 25 odd years, I have had hardly 2-3 such self-free moments but I’ll never ever forget them coz that is a phase of transcendence. You are no longer a form, an entity. You are just a spirit, a ghost of your sense of self. I transcend myself in company of music. Being a scientist, it reminds me of a chemical reaction. What goes in is you, dry and raw…what comes out is someone else, bathing in a musical ballad.

Music is my life…When I am dissatisfied and want more from life, when my voice is cracking with all the unfulfilled desires, music comes, soothes the cracks like the first rain, fills them up, and my cup of happiness starts overflowing again. I am not exaggerating. Do you have such a thing in your life? Where you can take refuge when you are not feeling alright with life, take one shot at it, and everything becomes alright again? If you do, you’ll understand what I mean.

‘Aussie Aussie Aussie, hai hai hai'

LOL :) This is hilarious!

http://in.sports.yahoo.com/080210/251/6qp88.html

Beginning of Spring...

I haven’t experienced snow or ice on a landscape bigger than our refrigerator, but I’m sure the best times in snow-caped backdrops are immediately before the spring when the ice starts melting and makes you understand that for all the roughness and coldness, there’s an exciting flow below the surface that’s just waiting to be discovered. The white-blue icicles on tree branches slowly awaken and instead of dropping directly below, take a detour to the tip of the branch pointing towards the ground and trickle across the ice-sheet drop-by-drop…this drop-by-drop thawing always reminds me of fingers hitting the piano keys…Don’t know why that reminds me of piano. Funny. Maybe coz the sound of a piano key is similar to a drop hitting water surface. ‘Plock’ goes a piano key too, creating an echoing clunk. The nature would soon start fishing out jewels from its potley, but its this scene of pure, spotless white beauty that appeals to me…like a girl stepping out of shower, sans any make up…strands of wet hair, onto the forehead…and the water droplets slowly trickling down to the ground…

How Green Was My Valley...

The first thing that struck me when I reached the top of the hill was the utterly mesmerizing landscape…and various shades of green splattered across it.

It was a clear day and apart from clouts of white cotton clouds overhead and bluish black hill-ranges on the horizon, everything was green, and different tones and hues of green.

There were grassy savannas yellowish green in colour, covered with partly dried, partly grassy green expanse with white, pink and purple blooms. The hill’s downslope was fully covered in this foliage and at the bottom slowly gave way to the forest. I had never seen such dark, dense forests till then. The trees were intertwined and created a dark green sunscreen for the earth. It started at the bottom of the hill on which I was standing and went to cover the whole of another hill. I would venture inside it some day, I thought. There was a third departure where the landscape slowly graduated to shrubby delights of wild plumage so typical of those transition zones. Slowly these shrubs gave way to cultivated lands, interspersed with electric poles and randomly placed small jhuggis and cement slabs. They were looking out of the place or maybe I was just envious of the people living in this beautiful countryside. The fields were not uniformly spaced or demarcated. Every field was defined by a spate of trees and every field had its own character, some had paddy, some had some other unknown grains, and some were converted to meadowlands, and depending on what was growing in them, they had different greens.

For a person who grew up in a dry, deciduous landscape, a green cacophony like this was like an impossible allegory …my colour receptors were completely flooded with this green chamaleonesque bumper bonanza.

It was out of this world…

I would want my home here…

आदतें भी अजीब होती हैं...

साँस लेना भी कैसी आदत है
जिये जाना भी क्या रवायत है
कोई आहट नही बदन में कहीं
कोई साया नहीं है आंखोंमें
पाँव बेहिस हैं चलते जाते हैं
इक सफ़र है जो बहता रहता है
कितने बरसों से, कितनी सदियों से
साँस लेते हैं, जीते रहते हैं


आदतें भी अजीब होती हैं...

Lovers in the Café

She comes, conquers and announces, “Hello sweetheart, you look tired."

"Not anymore."

"Hmmm...Mere paas bas 15 minutes hain…don’t mind yaar…bossne tight leash pe rakkha hai.”

“Tell him to go to the pearly gates and disappear into the oblivion. Forever. You coloured your hair again?”

“Does it look nice? You didn’t much appreciate the last one.” She takes a chair finally.

“Yes I like this one…green tinge this time. It looks cool…suits your brown hair.”

“It’s burgundy. Anyways, kuchh shayari karo na mere baalon pe!”

"Hmmm..."

"Jaldi bolo...jaana hai."

"Sochane do...haan, listen...

Ikke pe ikka, dukki pe dukki, tikke pe tikka aur satte pe satta…”

“Ok boss, I got the message…it looks awful, no? I thought you would like it.”

“It looks great…you didn’t let me complete. Care to listen to the second line?”

“Nope, keep you shayari for your fans…………………………………………"

"..........."

"Don't sulk, sunaao…”

“dhyaan se suno…Irshaad…

Ikke pe ikka, dukki pe dukki, tikke pe tikka aur satte pe satta,

Ye julfen hain ke ghataon ke sannaton me khila ek ghaas ka patta…”

“hahaha…”

“Hey saw that lightening?”

“Where?”

“Struck my heart just moments ago…tere hansee ka baadal garja, followed by adaaon ki lightening.”

“Haaye…Kya baat hai B’saab, aaj mizaaj bade kaafir hain aapke…maar hi daaloge kya?”

“Maren hamare dushman…bass aur 15 minutes! Don’t go alone, I’ll drop you.”

“Ok…”

“So what’s like ultimately romantic for you?”

“Don’t bother…”

“Common…”

“You have seen that song from Taj Mahal? Hmmmmm…Jo Vaada Kiya…I wish I had a good voice…Remember how that ghastly hero creates a carpet of roses for the equally ghastly heroine to walk on? That’s like ultimately romantic for me, my feet against the velvety touch of the rose petals…”

“You mean Pradeep Kumar and Beena Roy? Hmm...but hey, what if the hidden honey bee gives a good sting on your delicate feet?”

“You unromantic bloke…get lost.”

“Point noted…you will definitely have that pleasure one day…”

“Of you getting lost or me treading on rose petals?”

“You trampling the rose petals…”

“Oh really? When? After our marriage?”

“Darling, jale pe namak nahi hi chhidko to achchha hai.”

“I am sorry re…it’s just that this comes from guilt…I feel responsible somehow…”

“Oye ye guilt wuilt chak…tainu time jyada hai jo inn baataame time waste kardi hai?”

“Punjabi? Noooo…not again…”

“……….”

“……….”

“That bullock has been staring at you for a long time now, since the moment you joined me. Do you know that guy?”

“No…honestly, do you blame him?”

“Yes……I mean, no.”

“What will happen to us after say, a year?”

“What do you mean?”

“You think you will be able to manage what I said before?”

“No…but I am confident you will do a turn-around.”

“I doubt. Why can’t we be just together?”

“Why don’t you marry me?”

“Ok…stop…”

“Ok…”

“But life is so beautiful when we’re together.”

“Beautiful? Sunsets are beautiful…but you, and our love…it’s spectacular…”

“Stop it stud, if you have forgotten, we saw Con Air together!"

".........."

"But honestly, I am afraid to look too far into the future.”

“Ok baby, listen, life’s too weird already without us looking into the future…Don’t you have a sneak peek of the future alone…we’ve got each other and we’ll sort it out somehow.”

“……….”

“What?”

“What what?”

“Why do you smile?”

“Coz I just realized how much I love you…”

Every single time I watch Lead India, I get excited. And much more actually. The leaders on this show come from backgrounds like us. They don't have larger-than-life persona. They have not donned the flamboyant and addictive leadership cap (yet), you can see the happiness on their faces when they complete a down-to-earth task that helps solve the day-to-day problems. And the best part is they are giving hope. To me. To people who have been following it. I have always thought hope is the feeling on which societies are sustained, if not built.

The show has it's glitches and cliche at times (like Ajay Devgan coming on the show...it was obvious that the actor came to promote his own movie which is releasing this weekend)...yet, I would recommend it. It's a welcome change from the usual overtly sappy/happy/crappy and controversial reality shows. Don't miss it. Every Saturday, 8 pm, Star One.

I am still good at science!!! So what if an 8th grade test serves as the evidence? :)

It's fun. Take it and check your score out:

Looking for payday loan?

Two things everyone remembers about me is 1. my height and 2. my nose. There have been people who have actually come up to me and identified me based on my nose’s size. As if I’m a museum specimen...

The first time I got derided about it was in FYJC when a senior year girl came up to me and asked, “So you’re Captain Cook?” I’m sure the smart-ass meant Hook!

I guess it must have shrunk in size during the BSc days and again regrown to original size during MSc. “You’re blocking the view Bang!!!” was the commonest joke in the class…If I’m staring straight, then coz of my length, and if I’m looking sideways, then coz of my nose…

The question I got asked in truth or dare the most number of times was whether I faced any problems while kissing!!! WTF man…

My nose is because I am…Or I’m coz of it?

Some identity crisis…

One more fucked up thing down the drain...I'm going up in the snake-and-ladder game but it's amazing the rate at which I'm losing out on people around me...I have screwed my social life completely for my professional one and I am not sure whether I am doing the right thing...Anyway, it's my decision and I'm going to stick to it. One, coz it's too late to go back now...and two, coz this is very important to me...may be more than anything else...

Starry Starry Night...

Starry, starry night.

Paint your palette blue and grey,
Look out on a summer's day,
With eyes that know the darkness in my soul.
Shadows on the hills,
Sketch the trees and the daffodils,
Catch the breeze and the winter chills,
In colors on the snowy linen land.

Starry, starry night.
Flaming flowers that brightly blaze,
Swirling clouds in violet haze,
Reflect in Vincent's eyes of china blue.
Colors changing hue,
morning field of amber grain,
Weathered faces lined in pain,
Are soothed beneath the artist's loving hand.

For they could not love you,
But still your love was true.
And when no hope was left in sight
On that starry, starry night,
You took your life, as lovers often do.
But I could have told you, Vincent,
This world was never meant for one
As beautiful as you.

Starry, starry night.
Portraits hung in empty halls,
Frameless head on nameless walls,
With eyes that watch the world and can't forget.
Like the strangers that you've met,
The ragged men in the ragged clothes,
The silver thorn of bloody rose,
Lie crushed and broken on the virgin snow.

Now I think I know what you tried to say to me,
How you suffered for your sanity,
How you tried to set them free.
They would not listen,
they're not listening still.
Perhaps they never will...

Unchartered territories fascinate me…

I usually have this dream wherein I’m standing on a straight, unwinding road with a spine made of white stripes. I’m alone on that road for as long as I can see. There are no trees, just sparse grass all around this one road that has dissected the terrain. There are no birds. I wish that I could hear something other than my thudding heart. There is no one. The point from where I begin is of particularly no importance. It’s like some random position on that road. I don’t know how I’ve come to be there…

I don’t know where I’m going. I try to figure out about the destination, that where this road heads but the only thing I can see is that the road is getting narrower and narrower and finally becoming a single point where it vanishes into the light blue sky. I suddenly remember the desolate details of Road to Perdition. I understand that goddamn maddening feeling now. It was good for the kid and the father to be alone on the road, but here, the vacuum is killing me. Slowly, a deserted and abandoned feeling starts creeping over. I realize now that solitude has some sense and importance only when you are swarmed with people…

After a while, the feeling starts sinking in. That I’m alone means compleeeete FREEDOM! So what if this is out of compulsion? Freedom out of compulsion? No that’s a dense statement…But, in a way, that makes sense too…In any case, I don’t have to be answerable…and expectations play no role in deciding what I do next. I am dying to start but the commonsense prevails. For something to happen, something to stir somewhere and make itself felt. How can there be nobody? Absolutely no one? Maybe there’s danger lurking round the corner. But what corner? And who to be afraid of? Absolutely nothing around me. Tired of waiting after a while, I start, curious to know where this virgin, forsaken road heads. I walk and walk and walk. For minutes, may be hours. Without water and food. Everything is still, there’s no breeze. Slowly, the expectation of seeing someone dies but the excitement of finding where this road is leading overpowers me.

Range of emotions…

To start with, arrogance…
to come to a place where no one else has been before…
but that’s stupid, coz someone built the road…
anyway, whoever came, couldn’t survive, whereas I did!
Hah! That’s rubbish too! Someone left me here, so that person came and left! By choice!
Okay man, whatever…

Impatience and eagerness to go ahead and scan the rugged, beautiful terrain…I don’t know why the hell I feel that there’s danger lurking beyond what I see…My heart races, I can feel my veins pounding against the skin…But some part of me knows that this is what I want, this is what I've always wanted…

What if Lakshmi, Babu or Arvind come now? lol, that would be amazing…I miss them…especially on a terrain like this!!!

My breath is being burnt croaky with the surrounding heat…Water…Should I stop? What if I die?
And so what if I do?

My mind rebukes my torso in motion again…

I break all the barriers, I control all the seasons…Am I dreaming or did I really gain this much vigour and power? I did for sure…for one, the mind seems exceptionally and bizarrely clear in spite of some clear, loud wake-up calls from some far-off world…

There’s something beyond these 5 senses…I am gonna forget everything…everything that belongs to my past, everything that may belong to my future…this is a totally new context for me… I am gonna abandon all the existing things including my memory…they are all context dependent anyway…everything except love…

Just love…with no grief and no triumphs…just pure unadulterated love…

My world, my fortress slowly crumbles down…But what’s there to protect now? I have dumped all my memories - good, bad - already…I feel free now…Nothing to keep…So, nothing to lose…

Drench-clothed and tired-bodied…but that’s someone else now…coz for all these extinguished exteriors, in resides a clear-eyed, lucid-minded, free-spirited soul…and that’s the real me…

Maybe I am like intoxicated…so be it, why should I even try and come out of it, lemme enjoy it while it lasts…while I last…

In spite of all the stress here, I tend to forget the wonderful academic ambience...Everyday I recognize how much I know, and more importantly how much I don't...Every moment I appreciate the logic and knowledge I've gained here, and every single moment whatever I've gained here is tested against new and emerging problems and paradigms…

The grouse against this kinda life is still there…I have been here like what, 22 onwards, and will be here till I am 27...but then what the heck, who wants an easy, comfortable life on couch anyway? Everyone my age is kinda slogging anyway...Moreover, I say to life, kick me in the butt if that’s gonna teach me something new…what???

I am reading this absolutely fascinating book called 'Life' by Noisome Scuzzy.

What's with the media? The rat-race of finding new and path-breaking stories somehow leads these journos to work their brains overtime and churn senseless fodder. So what if someone suffers coz of your untruthful stories...I hate the way media goes onto this whole make-believe rampage...I hate the way they control our minds.

Last 2 weeks have been like the worst.

I have been trying but just couldn't concentrate on getting some important things done. For several reasons. when would people stop frolicking around and start working? That's not an unreasonable demand during the office hours. I am not a workaholic but I hate to waste time since I realize the 2 years I have would fly away anyway.

There's incessant back stabbing and bitching in a language some of my labmates think I don't understand :)

The Rc nests that I have been trying to transplant showed a great promise but fizzled out as soon as my boss started to show interest. I have also lost part of my data. I hate to think there's a conspiracy. Paranoia is setting in. PhD teaches you more than what you bargained for.

Some people I care about seem to be angry with me for what hasn't been my fault. I don't care. Someone I love inordinately has been battling for life. He's like one of the few connections to my childhood, reminding me about the happy days. It's so fucking frustrating to see him so miserable.

There have been so many instances when I came on the dashboard, even started writing and then left in between coz whatever I was writing would be nothing but a rant. It's nothing better now but now I can plant a smiley after every few paras.

Day hours are a complete waste of time...I plan to turn to my ullu-like schedules again with minimal contact with anyone around. At least one doesn't have to wear this I-don't-give-a-damn expression. Solitude would do me some good. How much more is the question.

Traurigkeit in meinem Leben wegen zu vielen Chocolat...