May this Diwali bring us peace, joy and happiness…
May we develop stronger and fairer ideals and ideologies…
May we become purer in thoughts and action…
May we lead a simpler but more fulfilling existence…
May we always stand up and rebel against wrong and evil…
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
I have a repetitive dream these days…
I am standing somewhere with arms outstretched, and eyes closed, feeling the strong breeze, hearing the rustle of wind. I am filling the clean air in my lungs…I can’t see the sky but I am sure it’s a clear blue one…I can’t see where I am but surely somewhere high…I don’t know how I reached here…don’t know where I am standing, but it seems a rocky terrain…
I open my eyes…it’s exactly as it seemed, except that I’m at the very edge of a cliff. I am short of a freaking heart attack cuz of the sheer height…The road backwards is blocked by a dried up tree trunk which does not seem strong enough to take my weight. I look ahead…there are tiers of rocks beneath, the slope is steep and one wrong step somewhere and I would smash my head...
Option 1: I take chances with the tree and learn halfway through that not just that the tree is all dried up, it’s a hollow stump (right!!! Serves me just right)…I crash into the valley along with the dead tree remains… thud, thud THUD!!!
Thankfully, I am not dead yet…since it’s a dream, I get another chance…it’s only fair…I am again on that cliff…again weighing my options…option 1, crossed…not suitable…
Option 2: I take chance with climbing down the slope…I try to remember all the tips they gave us in the mountaineering camp 10 years back…unfortunately, I make a fatal mistake and get to enjoy an unwarranted free fall…thud, thud THUD!!!
Unfortunately, the dream ends here. I dangle on the tenterhooks every single time just to see what happens at the end, but I don’t come to an end at all…I writhe and wriggle and try to wangle the ending (all this while asleep) but don’t come to anything conclusive…
Standing on the cliff, thinking of a third option is where it abruptly ends every single time…
PS. Conclusions anyway: I am ready neither to go back nor to come down…which probably means there is only one thing left to do…
Biding time and an opportunity to fly!
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Bunking the class on some social reform in early 20th century, I’m lying on my bed, the laptop on my belly, about to start typing. Instead of starting to strike the keypad, I’m taken again to those 3 wonderful weeks. Amazing time…
But this post is not about it.
This post is about blogging. Problems I faced while blogging.
First prob - putting what you experience into exact words and communicating it to others. Not mere communicating but making them a part of the whole thing. Just the other day, with P, and some time back with J, was talking about how the information disseminates between two people. You felt something, and you needed to express it, and you did, but in the process, either for your lack of abilities to articulate or the different temperament of the listener, or coz of both of these, it doesn’t hold the same meaning to her/him. So, there’s a growing urge to be more and more articulative, and in a factual but interesting way. It’s an art and only selective few possess it. I’m clearly not one of them, but I’m determined to possess it some day.
Second prob – and I don’t know whether it’s a unique problem with me, but how blogging becomes an obsession after a time and how you just long to come back to it and chronicle every single nugget of interesting thing happened/happening in your life. The obsession comes to such a degree where even when that interesting event is happening, you are thinking about how to record it. Now I am sure, all of you will agree that the most enjoyable things are done just for the complete joy factor and not with some ulterior motive. If I’m thinking all the time about accounting what happened and how it happened, it’s no more interesting to me. It kinda becomes a job. Moreover, you are no longer in the moment, or maybe you are but just partly. It’s exactly what people call living in future, and that was killing the freaking joy. I was bothered about it. That’s the reason why I had stopped writing completely in between. I would have preferred to do both simultaneously, experience as well as write about it, but it was a choice between the two, and I chose the former one. I was bugged about it and didn’t know what to do about it, and I tried it discussing it with dad and O, but dad doesn’t blog and O, I guess never encountered it. So I thought of it as a rare disease with no cure, and left it at that.
Thankfully, over time - I don’t have a clue as to how it happened - it just happened that I could combine both! If at all someone has encountered it and wishes to ask me how I achieved it, I don’t know. The reason which possibly may have affected it is this: blog traffic is no longer a concern. It was a big issue, but no more. If anything, fewer the better, as this place is primarily for me, not for networking. The moment I started writing for myself, it didn’t matter whether someone read it or not (sorry if you follow my blog diligently). As soon as that happened, the need for making yourself to maintain a steady flow of new entries stopped too. So both the problems were gone. Since there was no writing for others, there was no fumbling for right words to express and make it interesting at the same time. I am still searching for that ability of not exhausting the substance and sensibility while communicating, but I don’t pursue that quest on this blog. That’s a separate project and can be achieved in scientific writings and presentations that I so often keep doing these days.
Having said all that, even before embarking on the plane to Dubai, I knew that I will write about it here. But that is only out of sheer love of writing, and not for the greed of increasing my site meter number. I don’t care about that anymore.
