What do you do when you want to beat the shit out of someone but can't do it?

You vocalize your resentment…to everyone...at least to those who are ready to listen unwearyingly. Does it help? You realize it doesn't help. And in all possibilities, you have already started feeling helpless, deranged or accountable after some time, depending on the situation and depending on how many things you have added yourself to make your own side sound more forthright...

You listen to some music. Even KK and Kath Bloom are futile here...

You try to watch some movie. Even Tom & Jerry fails to cheer you up...

You log onto GTalk. Well, the fact that you can't become invisible only adds to the irritation...

You go to T-Board. Litchi juice is utterly tasteless...

All this because some moron at your workplace has ruined your day...all these stupid, inefficient thick, dense, morons...

As a last resort, you step out. To buy a gift for someone. A pair of sea angels and a pair of gold angels do the trick. Their luscious bodies are constantly on move. I am fascinated. Like a young boy. I try to feel them with my hand. They are ultra slippery. I am kept wondering...when do they sleep? I wish someone would have been as innovative when it comes to thinking of b’day gifts...

High time to get a Pensieve

The thoughts that are organized and properly compartmentalized and stored in my brain are less. Most of them are spread all over my head in a haywire fashion. In no apparent harmony. If they could be seen as extensions of my brain cells, they would surely give me an appearance more horrid than Sanjaya Malakar’s ponyhawk. A perfect fuzzy head (well, that in some sense is an oxymoron).

My eyes or other senses have caught them sometime or other in a rapid succession of events, because of which, they are sometimes stored in to-be-bothered-with-later zone. And as happens with all such things that go in folders with a miscellaneous tag, they soon start tangling, overflowing and the outwardly effect of that translates into fuzzy actions.

They are single stranded, silvery transparent structures, which are not transient, but appear so. They fool me in believing that they do not exist (another oxymoron). But that’s how they work. They need just the right amount of stimulus to be provoked…they need just a very appropriate amount of light coming through the shambles of memory and strike them at perfect angles to make them perceptible and visible.

The bottom-line of this rambling is that there are quite a lot of memories that surface themselves from time to time and leave me wondering where I picked them. Some are crystal clear and yet vague and unclear that they take me to another realm. For minutes, I’m kept wondering about the possible occurrence of that event that may have already occurred. Or may not have. I wonder whether it’s a trick my mind is pulling on me. Thankfully, if the RAM is not much entangled, I’m able to trace back the thoughts, either to exact time or to my imagination…

Some incidents that probably never took place, some things that probably were never said…sometimes the unreal ones claw their way into your chest and try to gnaw at the heart….sometimes they stay alone…sometimes they get mixed with the real events…and then it’s really difficult to tease apart the real from the surreal. Sometimes the unreal ones don’t mix randomly but create a fine border…and then it’s interesting to fathom out the exact reason or motive why my mind would want to bring the real and unreal parts together…

Are these early symptoms of some delusional disorder, o' Dumbledore? Something like Schizophrenia :)