The World Revolves Around p Value

You understand the intricacies of the subject...become overjoyed with new ideas and questions budding into your head...if you're lucky enough, your boss allows you to go ahead with them...you plan every single detail about how you would proceed with the experiment...you keep your enthusiasm intact through repeated seesions of resurrecting the protocol...overcome every single difficulty at the experimental stage...and then that stage comes when finally you sit to analyze the data you'd been gathering so far...But, you realize that all this while, gods were planning against you..the variables under scrutiny are NOT SIGNIFICANTLY DIFFERENT from each other!!!

It's very, very easy to ridicule it by saying, "but that means you were already expecting some kind of result without even analyzing the data, that's not done in research!!!"

Oh yeah! Easy to say, dude...Show me a single scientist who goes into an experiment without some expectation. Even if the experiment is totally new, howmuchever we like to avoid it, we've some pet idea about the kind of data or results we would like to obtain.

And then there's dispair and frustration. Don't get me wrong. Scientists aren't weak. But, each experiment takes a long time to get over with. And it's like your own baby, man! Everytime you come up with a good batch of results (read positive result), you feel proud...am sure like a proud dad/mom feels. And everytimg things turn sour, is the feeling parents face over the miscarriage.

One thing is beyond my understanding though. Ok well, there was some loophole or some problem in the protocol, you take it in your stride because after all, it was your fault. But what when the result is in the form of "a non-signficant difference" or "a uniform distribution" or a "no cluster" situation. Of course, that's a result, too. Just presence of something is not important. Absence of something, or results contrary to expectations are important, too.

In short, and in very simplistic tones, just the presence of some biological phenomenon is not important. It's equally important to understand that the absence of it is an important thing to study, too. Who knows that might be a possibility to a ground-breaking discovery! Fleming found out Penicillin in the same way, didn't he?

Obviously, I'm living in an utopian world. p value > 0.05 and you're doomed!

Writing has been tremendously important for me to feel better.

BLACK...Achievement. Challenge. Dashing. Determination. Elegance. Gleam. Intimidation. Limousine. Mystery. Night. Perfection. Power. Professionalism. Serene. Strength. Success. Tuxedos...

मोठमोठ्या वैज्ञानिकांसोबत राहून कॉन्टॅक्ट्स बिल्ड करत बसण्यापेक्षा आणि खर्डेघाशी करत राहण्यापेक्षा स्वतःला जे आवडेल ते करण्यात काय मजा आहे हे ऍम्बिशियस करियरिस्ट्स ना कळणार नाही.

It's very ironic, but the only constant thing in life seems to be the CHANGE!

Got a stern warning y'day NOT TO THINK!!!

I was complaining about the unideal work environment here to one of my seniors, who is about to leave in a few days. He blasted at me!!! I got a stern warning from him that I shouldn't think so much. I 'huh'ed.

He said, "You heard me right the first time. Dont huh..." (This is our normal line in lab talk when someone tries to act stupid deliberately and is caught in the act...A long story how it came in use, some other day).

I preferred to keep quiet for sometime. Was amused. This senior is the coolest person I've ever met. If he thinks that I make an issue out of everything, may be that's what I do. This was what I thought. After a while his preaching was becoming unbearable...I'd to say something in self-defence. "Why? What's wrong? I have brains and if I don't use them my neurons and brain cells will die."

I blabbered something more. But i think he was mellowed by all this defensive crap talk from my side. He thought I'm hurt by his remarks. So, he changed his tracks to preachy tone...

In brief, he also started with crap itself, like how things fall in place, and you should have a positive attitude always in life (Again! Dammit I know all that...but I'm not able to act on it. So say something else man!) ...Then he went on to give me a pep-up talk...about how everyone goes through this phase. He thought this phase comes to everyone in their 4-5th year, not in the 2nd year (are you trying to say I'm abnormal?)...So, his sincere advice was that one shouldn't think about the situations in general because that doesn't help. Thank god, he doesn't know that I'm of the opinion that THINKING is salvation.

Annie's Song - A.wav
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माझं आणि संतोष, जो माझा बॅचमेट आणि एक फार चांगला मित्र आहे; आमचं बिघडलंय, अशीच काहीतरी फालतू अफवा डिपार्टमेंट मध्ये आज ऐकायला मिळाली. बास, शुद्ध मूर्खपणा आहे!!! आम्ही कालच भेटलो. एकदम बिंदास.

कोर्सवर्क करताना जितका वेळ सोबत घालवायचो, तितका आता शक्यच नाही. आपापल्या प्री-वायवा परीक्षेची तयारी सगळे करताहेत. प्रत्येकाचा टाइम-टेबल प्रचंड टाइट झालाय. या सगळ्यातून वेळ कसा काढणार? संतोष माझा मित्र आहे, आणि आमची मैत्री होती तशीच अजुनही आहे. Not in jeopardy.

Y'day was a real shitty day. None of the wasp nests I brought worked. I look for more to start afresh. I start at 9 in the morning and generally observations get over by 1230. But this nest is weird. It goes on and on and on till 3:30 in the afternoon; I miss lunch. I am looking forward to getting over with the observations as have planned to go out with some friends. I call them but all of them were out of reach. Finally, as a last resort, I call up one of my friends and get invited myself. I go to her place, sit in front of TV, watch some crap music videos, eat chips, sandwiches, drink sprite and intermittently praise her culinary skills and her new home. But man, ain't I rejuvenated!!! I come back and I write some more nasty mails to WarriorSF; a mail to my brother and then some chatting. I write some random lines in my journal. Head for juice centre, get Mosumbi juice and sit near the basketball court, gazing at the sky...what bliss! I donno how long I sit there, but after a while, I hear the juice stall-wallah calling loudly to return the glass as he wants to close his shop. I return back to reality, but I feel reconnected nevertheless...

Honesty makes one happy and contented. It was only because of truthfulness that I could cross many hurdles in life. Many times, I’ve come across the crossroads: to be honest whatever be the consequences OR to lie to save the skin…And I’ve mostly, if not always, chosen the former over latter. This might have seemed difficult in the beginning, but later, it made life easy and simple, as there was directness in everything, with everyone. I’d to be in controversies many times because I spoke my mind. At one point, I’d decided to be diplomatic, but then had to ask this question to myself, ‘If you do that, what’s the difference between them and you?’ And that’s why I’ve decided that whatever may happen, in any situation, be it difficult or impossible, I’m not gonna change.

Annie's Song

I was hooked onto John Denver when one of my very dear friends gave me a cd full of songs in which the opening number was Annie's Song. The first thing I did after hearing the song god-knows how many times, was to take out my bike, go to a cyber cafe (which was 8 km away...I was in Auroville then), go to Wikipedia, and check out everything on Denver. Later, I also heard Rocky Mountain High, Follow Me, Leaving On A Jet Plane, Thank God I'm A Country Boy, Fly Away, Like A Sad Song and Take Me Home Country Roads among others. And every time, he was awesome! He and his songs were, thus, an instant hit with me.

But Annie's Song was special. Sometime after all this, I gotta know about a tale, a story associated with this song which made me believe in love again.

It seems because of his whirlwind world tours and dead-busy schedules, his wife, Annie, was about to give him a divorce. Denver was in Paris at that time. Annie sent him a two-word-telegram saying, "Leaving, John". He took the next plane to NYC. He wrote this song on the plane, gave a tune to it, and the first thing he did when they met was sing this song to her. With a voice like his, I'm not surprised that Annie forgot everything about her telegram!

I don't know how far this story is true. Seems like a hopelessly romantic fable. Somewhere, deep down though, I hope it's true. The story goes really in sync with the mood of the song.

"Hi"

"Hi... "

"Remember me?"

"No... and I don't think I will, so please go ahead and tell me your name ASAP."

"Hey chill A, it's me...V!"

"Hey man! How u doin'? And how did you even think that I will recognise you...you never called after you left the Uni...that makes it 2-3 years! Huh?"

(Vam - my senior).

"Yeah, was busy...in B'bay right now...working on..."

"Drop it man, I know everything about you. So leave the perfunctories and tell me ke aaj kaise kya yaad kiya?"

"Nothing much...in B'lore right now. Thought of calling you up. Did I disturb you? G keeps telling about you...Howz work?"

"Yeah goes on...preparing for the pre-vivas...DC are quite strict these days. I wanna clear in 1 shot".

"Hmmm..."

"So how come in B'lore?"

"Going to Kerala."

"How come? On work?"

(My inquisitiveness...phew!)

"Got married last week...going to Kerala for honeymoon...I suppose you knew about that?"

(About your whereabouts during honeymoon? Am I supposed to know that?)

"Yeah, you sent a mail on the group about your marriage, right? Gotta know."

"..."

"..."

"So, howz your work-"

"I already told you, working hard for it. Howz your brother doing?"

"Yeah. Talked with R. WII seems to be a good place, isn't it?"

"Yeah. IISc and WII are the only 2 places to pursue it."

"A, will you do me a favour?"

"Go on."

(You sucker, is that why you called? A favour?)

"Would you be able to do it?"

"Do what?"

"A railway reservation?"

"A what?"

(I thought I heard it all wrong! A call after 3 years to talk about a railway reservation? Wow! This takes the cake...So thats what all this friendliness was about? What a loser!!!)

"A railway reservation. 17th May. 6525Guwahati Exp. 2 passengers. M-26, F-25."

(Aha...today isn't wasted after all...Sucker, I love this game, too!)

"Sure bro. But I think it will be waiting list, no?" Is it okay with you even if it's waiting list?"

"Yeah. It's alright. Even now it's waiting list."

(You're making it harder for yourself. I cannot hold my sarcasm any longer.)

"If you checked already, and if waiting list is okay with you, why didn't you book it yourself?"

"Yeah....No (Fumble Fumble), actually, we decided now only that it's okay. And now all reservation windows will be closed."

"Alright, I'll do that for you. How do I give you your tickets?"

"I'm coming to B'lore on 17th, A. Will be here for 2 days."

(I don't belive this ATALL...you want it hand-delivered too?)

"Great, come over to IISc then. I will show you around the campus. You can collect your tickets too."

"Hmmm...I'll call you up."

"Call up for what?"

"About coming to IISc."

"But if you dont come , how will you get the tickets?"

"Yeah...thats also true. Anyway, I will call you up."

"Ok. Whatever."

"Do you have enough money A?"

"Yeah."

(I still get 1000 bucks less than you, you damn SRF's).

"I gotta know that you can also book tickets online."

"Yeah. Give me your credit card #. I'll book it for you immediately."

"I don't have one."

"Join the club man."

"Alright then, A. That's it."

(I bet that was all, you bloody fucker)

"Bye V."


(I'm thinking hard. Why was it so hard to say no? Was he a great colleague? Actually yes. But even if he wouldn't have been, I couldn't have said no. I do all kind of funny things for people. The list is long. And most of the time, I don't mind it atall coz they are worth it any day. Including V. I was okay with the whole thing till I got a hint that he actually expects me to come to station to hand-deliver the tickets. I do it coz I want to, but if the next person starts expecting way too much and starts using me, he's to be brought down to earth. No messing around.
Anyway, how to get out of this situation? The first, most obvious thing that comes to mind is to tell him that it's waiting list # 678 and 679. But lying? Never. At least not for this scheming swine. Should I give the excuse of work? It won't be lying...but not good enough. It was there even before I agreed to his request.
And then it strikes me!!! Yipppeeee Yo! Don't have to lie atall!!!)

(I dial 98*** *****)

"Hi V!"

"What happened?"

(You're scared! Why did I call up again, isn't it V?)

"What happened? Are you okay V? You sound bothered..."

"Nothing...just too hot."

"Are you kidding? It's raining...how can you possibly be hot?"

"I meant humid...I get wheezing if it's too humid. What happened?"

"This travel agency is closed for the weekends man! It will open only on Monday at 1000 hrs. What do I do?"

(That's really really true. Swear :) )


"Oho, that's bad. Ok no sweat A. I'll book it after going to Kerala myself. Thanks anyway"

"Sorry for you bro. You've to do all this during your honeymoon. But one has to take responsibilities, doesn't one? Especially coz now you're married"

(I'm grinning from ear to ear :) )

"Yaeh, right. Anyway, catchya later, A"

"Bye man".

(I think V, if he can help it, will never like to see my face again. But it's okay. This one had to go down the drain.)

The Love Gone Awry

मराठी ब्लॉगिंग ची सुरुवातीची हौस आता संपलीय. आधीसारखं दररोज पोस्ट टाकायचा आता कंटाळा येतो. कुठल्याही रुटीन मधनं स्वतःला सोडवायची धडपड मग सुरु होते. ती फेज येण्याआधीच ठरवलं, लिहावंसं वाटेल, तरच लिहेन.

काल काही नेहमीसारखं झालंच नाही. माझं माझ्या सीनियर वर पूर्ण लॅब समोर ओरडणं, माझ्या सलग दुसऱ्या नेस्टची वाताहत, आमच्या स्टॅटिस्टिशियन कडून हे ऐकून घेणं की साइंटिफिक टेंपरामेंट माझ्यात कसा नाही, वगैरे वगैरे. ह्या सगळ्यातून स्वतःला सोडवता सोडवता संध्याकाळ झाली, आणि मग रेडिफ उघडला तर अजून एक धक्का. एक्स-गर्लफ्रेंड ने मेल केलेला. थॅंक गॉड, मी जंक मेल फ़ोल्डर चेक केला.

विस्तृत तपशीलात न जाता सांगतो...'Never ditch anyone in love A, otherwise their curse will always follow you...' असंच आणखी बरंच काही...

आठवायचा बराच प्रयत्न केला. आमचा ब्रेक-अप झाला तेव्हा आम्ही दोघंही अपरिपक्व होतो. असं काही बोलून वेगळे झालोच नाही. एक दिवस अचानक कम्युनिकेशन संपलं. बोलायला प्रचंड होतं, पण ते स्वतःजवळच ठेवलं.

काहीही असलं तरीही मी तिला कुठेतरी, कसंतरी let-down केलेलं असणार. मी परिपूर्ण नक्कीच नाही. माझे विचार, माझे निर्णय बऱ्याचदा फक्त माझ्या point-of-view नेच बरोबर असतात हे मला माहितीय. मी बऱ्याचदा किती, किती चुकीचं वागलोय, ह्याची नंतर मला जाणीव होते...हे असं तेव्हा होतं जेव्हा मी त्या व्यक्तिऐवजी स्वतःला ठेवून बघतो...पण तोपर्यंत वेळ निघून गेलेली असते. माझ्यात अनेक दुर्गुण आहेत. बऱ्याचदा माझं वागणं फार उथळ असतं. इन्टेन्शनली काहीही केलेलं नसतं, पण समोरच्याला माझ्या या असल्या वागण्यामुळे वाईट वाटलेलं असतं...माझी माफी मागण्याची पण तयारी असते. लगेच फोन उचलून तिच्याशी बोलावं असं क्षणभर वाटून गेलं, पण ती कशी react करेल याची खात्री नव्हती. ती सगळं misconstrue करेल असं वाटलं. फोन खाली ठेवला. आणि मग मला असंही वाटायला लागलं, चूक फक्त माझीच आहे असं मी स्वतःला दूषण देण्याचं कारण तरी काय? आम्ही दोघंही ब्रेक-अप साठी कमी-जास्त प्रमाणात सारखेच जबाबदार होतो. मी पण आणि तीही.

Wish I were deaf so that I could totally ignore what my detractors have to say about me. It hurts when after a long day people still question your dedication to work. Every time such a thing happens, I decide to pay that person in the same coin, but my conscience doesn't allow me to stoop so low. Of course, I wear this non-chalant attitude and deprive the gossip-mongers the pleasure of rattling me, but inside, I fume, rave and rant...

प्रत्येक रिलेशनशिप एक नवीन अनुभव असतो. मग ते पहिलं प्रेम असो किंवा दहावं, फारसा फरक पडत नाही. जितका जास्त अनुभव तितका बोथटपणा वाढत जातो हे चूक आहे. दर वेळेला नवीन परिस्थिती उद्भवते. प्रत्येक नवं नातं स्वर्ग निर्माण करू शकतं, किंवा आपल्याला नरकाधीन करून चाललं जातं. आणि आपल्या हातात असतं ते फक्त त्याचा स्वीकार करणे. कारण तोपर्यंत प्रेम हे जगण्याचं मूळ उद्देश्यच बनून गेलेलं असतं. ऑन अदर हॅंड, ज्याने प्रेमच केलं नाही, त्याच्या जगण्याला काय जगणं म्हणायचं? प्रेमाचा अस्वीकार केला, तर जिवंत तरी कशासाठी राहायचं? जिथे, जसं प्रेम मिळतं, तिथे, तसाच त्या प्रेमाचा स्वीकार आपण करतो, करावा लागतो. जरी त्यासाठी कित्येक दिवस, महिने, वर्षं हतोत्साही आणि दुःखी मनःस्थितीत घालवावी लागली तरीही.
ज्या क्षणी प्रेमाचा ध्यास घेतला, प्रेम पण आपला ध्यास घेतं.
आणि नव्याने जगायला प्रवृत्त करतं.

आता जे काही घडतंय, सगळं नवं आहे. बऱ्याचदा आपल्या जीवनात घडणाऱ्या लहान-लहान गोष्टी आपण अनभिज्ञ असल्यामुळे आपल्याला आश्चर्यचकित करतात आणि एका अनोळखी दिशेने जीवन वळण घेतं - गरज नसली तरीही आणि आपल्याला हवं नसेल तरीही.

Son los locos que inventaron el amor.

ps. Vida macabro :(